“spirtually and passionately alive”
Continued from “Of that Impulsive Lass…”
The next morning Michael dropped me off at the bus terminal so I could catch a bus back to La Cieba, back to the white water rafting and cliff jumping adventures at Jungle River Lodge. This would be my third trip to the lodge (though first one on this return trip to Honduras). That’s how much I loved it there. Think rustic wooden lodge set back into a lush tropical forest full of palms, brilliant red “birds of paradise” blossoms, and ferns big and small highlighted by shafts of sunlight. The sound of rapids bubbling over rocks not far off… From the back of the lodge you first spy the wild slopes of Pico Bonito looming before you. Then, you spot the huge boulders just steps away. Next, you creep to the edge of the cliff, peer over and, fifteen feet below, you watch the glacier green waters flow past. 
A mischievous look slowly spreads across your face, you slowly back a few steps away from the cliff… and then spring forward , launching yourself over the edge and into the swirling water below! I’m not going to lie… my first time ever… I shrieked like a yelping puppy on the way down. Then splash!
It’s bliss to simply bounce back and forth from chilling in the shade on the deck of the lodge, playing cards, or at the edge of the rocks to sunbathe in the sun. You leap from the rocks into the water and swim to the other side to work on your bouldering… if you slip, you land in a refreshing pool of mountain water. The Lodge organizes all kinds of adventure trips: hiking up the slopes of Pico Bonito to the waterfall, canopy tours through the jungle, rock climbing trips on the cliffs of Pico Bonito and white water rafting trips down the Rio Cangrejal. If you had a particularly adventurous group, the white-water rafting trips would get pretty crazy. 
From body surfing rapids with just a rope, to jumping off sloping rocks where you had to run first and then jump, to being literally hauled up the side of a cliff to a 24ft high ledge by rope and the guides brute strength. You would then fling yourself off the edge and into the bubbling rapids below.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what drew me back three times. Not to mention the staff and guides had become like family for me. We joked and played and we got serious. I started trekking up to the nearby village during the evenings to play soccer on a rock-strewn field with the locals. The first time I showed up, the kids all started laughing… at me. But, their laughs quickly turned into sounds of frustration when I started taking the ball from the feet! Mwahahahaha… One guide in particular was very special to me. A young heart. 
A heart of gold and a true spirit for life. Jairo was an excellent guide that made everyone laugh. His eyes would twinkle when he smiled back. He truly is a gem and he too had been a compelling reason for me to come back. But this time, it was to say goodbye. I had met Michael…
Jungle River Lodge is a mountain haven. Throughout my various visits, I saw the salmon jumping up the rapids and slapping off rocks as they struggled back upstream on their harrowing and treacherous journey to return home and reproduce. I woke to exotic birds, geckos and the roosters of nearby villagers every morning. I watched pink clouds cloak Pico Bonito in the afternoons and then quietly drift away with the setting sun. I relaxed under the bright twinkle of the stars in the evenings and let the moonlight rapids lull me to sleep right above on the rocks at night. Oh, what a dream! And yet, it wasn’t a dream… it was real.
This third trip though, rainy season was at its peak. The mornings were damp and the air was thick with moisture. The afternoons were filled with rainfall. But, the rainy season has it’s own beauty in the jungle. The leaves grow even greener as they drink. Droplets cling to their leaves, reflecting and amplifying the jungle colors. The soaked jungle smells fresh and dewy. The rapids surge and swell in a swollen river with new, exhilarating force.
I was out on the rocks, watching the dark waters swirl below me in the moonlight when Michael called the Lodge. He wanted to let me know that he had worked extra hard and extra late the last few days so he could take the next two days off work. He wanted me to be come back so we could have more time together before I left. How utterly romantic! But… I was admittedly torn. The magic of Jungle River Lodge was one of the original reasons I had felt called back to Honduras (that and my business idea). And this time, I was here at the Lodge to say goodbye. Did I really want to cut my goodbye short? No. I didn’t. But, I did want more time with Michael. So, the next day, I gave my final farewell and left, feeling a sad squeeze in my heart… 
But, my heart was also leaping with excitement! Michael wanted as much time with me as he could get! Knowing that sent a warm, tingly feeling shooting through my body, from my head right down to my toes.
I’ve got to hand it to Colbie Caillat. Her ‘Bubbly’ song describes what I was feeling perfectly:
I’ve been awake for a while now
You’ve got me feelin like a child now
Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly placeIt starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go
When Michael picked me up that night, he was a little distant. I knew why. He had sensed how torn I was about leaving Jungle River Lodge and that had put him in vulnerable place. He had worked hard and romantically offered more time and I had responded with hesitance. But, I was quick to reassure him of how much I wanted to be there with him and how excited I was knowing how much he wanted me to be there with him. In my mind, it just proved how much I did care for him… I was leaving a place that, for me, was magic… to be with him. That meant, being with him was simply that much more magic. Understandably though, he felt a little hurt and he told me as such the next day. He admitted that when he had heard the hesitancy in my voice on the phone, he felt crushed. He felt that for me? And there I slipped… and fell even harder for Michael. And I made sure Michael felt that.
Yet, there was something else Michael sensed. He knew I wasn’t just saying goodbye to the Lodge. I had to open up and share with him… that I had been saying goodbye to Jairo too. It was a clean goodbye… but it was still something I hadn’t shared with Michael before I left. And it was evident on Michael’s face that my failure to mention this before was now hurting him… a lot. And just like that I could see his trust in me vanishing. And I thought I had felt a sad squeeze in my heart before… what I felt now was as if my heart was choking. How horrible it felt to lose Michael’s trust! How torturing it was to realize just how much he had cared for me and see it starting to vanish all in the same instant! I couldn’t lose that. I couldn’t lose him. I fervently explained that I didn’t mention Jairo because I hadn’t wanted to worry him about a trivial pre-Michael romance. 
I only had to say goodbye because I wasn’t cruel enough to promise someone I’d see them and then never show up. That was it. But, no matter how earnestly I pled my case, Michael still wasn’t convinced. His trust wasn’t restored. He no longer had the faith that if I went off to travel alone, I would remain true to him.
It took me all of two seconds to decide… I’ll stay! With my whole heart, I wanted to stay. Never in the past have I wanted to stay… for someone. But, here I was, whole-heartedly wanting to stay for Michael. I asked if he wanted me to stay. Michael assured me he did. So that was it… just like that, at the beat of a heart, I decided to stay and be with Michael. Old plans? Out the proverbial window. Europe, Thailand, Australia would have to wait. I was embarking an adventure of love and trust.
To be continued… (Click here to see fun videos of my Jungle River Lodge adventures. Click here to view the entire Flickr album.)
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