Mind Scraps: The Warrior Angel and the Cheshire Cat

Her movements are graceful and deliberate. Her eyes shine with stealth. She offers sincere affection, but on her terms, no one else’s. Quietly, she’ll watch from a camouflaged perch, approaching you with a confident swag only when she decides you’ve earned her favor. Her looks are most deceiving; the face of a young early 20’s beauty, yet her years number 33. She’s a panther, a jaguar. She’s the Bruja de Chihuahua.

We’re beyond the settings and plot that are a part of what has transpired between the Bruja and I. Honestly, the details of this world aren’t of much significance for our connection lies in another realm. So I am opting to skip some of the ‘how’s’ so we can get straight to the ‘what.’

We’ve discussed what we felt when we first met and we both agree, each of us experienced a noted awe for the other – two powerful women meet and immediately recognize and respect the distinct power of the other. At our parting during our first encounter, her eyes seemed to crack with a startling message: ‘I see you for what you are. I recognize your power. But before we move further, I want to be sure about what side you’re on.’

‘Whoa… What’s all this talk about power and sides?’ I thought to myself. ‘Wait. We didn’t talk about any of that. I just felt it. Power? Well, okay. You could say the way I’ve been choosing to live, opting to see the magic in life has an element of power about it. Sides? Is there any other side, but the right side, the good side, to be on???’

Looking back I can’t help but laugh at my naivety. And the Bruja gets all the credit for figuratively blind-sighting me with a startling cat-like trounce, unseen from above, onto my back.

Just like un gato, it took the Bruja time to truly warm up to me. Patiently, she cunningly observed my movements, my relations with others, my goals… until she was convinced about just what ‘side’ I was on.

It’s because of the Bruja – an identity she readily gives to herself – that I finally backed away from the brilliantly mesmerizing white yang far enough to see the rest of the circle… the dark part. The yin. It hit me like a brick. Until now, I’ve been fixated upon the ‘good.’ Because of my fixation upon the good I have developed an incredible ease for recognizing the good qualities in so many of the others I find along my journeys. I recognize their ‘best,’ nurture that ‘best’ and help them start to bring that ‘best’ out. BUT, my fixation, eventually led me to forget about the ‘bad.’ Or, ignore it at least. Until now, if people did me wrong, I often gave it nothing more than a distracted ‘can’t-be-bothered-with-that’ wave. I’ve got ‘good’ to nurture. If I can’t do it here, I’ll move on to somewhere else…

In the meantime, I was suffering. Suffering from a pattern of disappointments, not-quites, and let-downs. As the relationship between the Bruja and I grew, she began to reveal to me that ‘now’ was the time start preparing… preparing for battle.

Get out that spear and start sharpening it, princess. Or have you forgotten… you’re a warrior princess??

After the initial shock, I was struck by my own short-sightedness. She was right. There’s another half to all this ‘good’ business. The, um, ‘bad’ part. And it’s time I stopped ignoring it and started addressing it; facing it head-on.

And just as I make this realization, I open my book – Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior – and read:

“Enlightenment consists not merely in the seeing of the luminous shapes and visions, but in making the darkness visible. The latter procedure is more difficult, and therefore, unpopular.” ~ Carl Jung

Wow. A sign doesn’t get much clearer than that. I was on the right track with this personal growth stuff. And with that my training began…

Since this revelation, life has dealt me various opportunities here in Chihuahua, MX to take a bold stance and say, ‘Hey! That’s not right.’ Admittedly, I haven’t perfected my approach. I am a princess, one that’s still learning how to deliberate with royal finesse like a queen – but one that’s learning fast. Wink.

The Bruja encourages my growth. “You’re a very powerful woman,’ she tells me with a glint in her eye. ‘I’ve thought that from the first moment I’ve met you.”

Her words open my eyes yet further. I begin to start seeing women for what they really are – most powerful beings. Beings that give life. Beings that are constantly attacked and pitted against each other, so that they might forget their strengths and become lost in, not their weaknesses, but the weaknesses of the world. I shivered. ‘Just imagine if we women truly began to unite instead continuing to fight like brawling cats,’ I mused in awe. ‘We could truly influence some drastic and critically needed change in this world.’ In that moment, I adopted that belief with every fiber of my being. ‘The power of the woman’ was now the newest message dancing upon my lips.

In the meantime, the Bruja and I begin to start having conversations of a different kind and I start learning some chilling secrets. Just to be clear, I want to reaffirm, that I’m not making any of what follows up:

“We’re apart of something… bigger,” we agree, gingerly moving forward with our growing confidence. We’re coming upon a new age, a new epoch. And we, as a collective human consciousness, will soon have to make a grave choice. Will we grow and transform and continue to prosper in the coming enlightened existence? Or will we, the human race, stagnate in our evolution, rot and eventually die off as this 4.5 billion-year-old Earth breathes a fresh sigh of relief at our extinction? The signs are everywhere. Technology, which is careening beyond our capacity to adopt it before the next innovation replaces it, is one example. The fact that I’ve had this conversation in just about all the corners of the world I’ve trotted to, is another example. If this stuff is for the proverbial birds, why do I keep finding so many people who want to talk about it? People you would never suspect. “Something is up,” We agree.

The Bruja then begins elaborating. Her friend has recently died. Unexpected. A blood clot to the brain. The Bruja says she feels as if her friend felt called… called to leave. As the time nears, she says, more people will leave this world in the same way… through unexpected deaths. But in large numbers. They’re being called to prepare. Prepare for the upcoming struggle. They’ll be busy working hard for the rest of us here on Earth.

I tell her, “I understand what you’re saying. This sounds crazy but I’ve had a growing sense lately, that I’m going to have to make a decision – a decision about whether I go or stay for the fight… here.”

What the Bruja said next moved me to tears. “No Laura. You are needed here. You’re meant to stay and lead.” Her sharp, cunning eyes looked straight into mine and said, “Laura, you’re a living angel here on Earth. You’re meant to fight for us.”

The emotion that washed over me was intense. An emotion of exploding relief… and gratefulness. The Bruja’s words released a part of my great doubt, doubt in myself.

‘I’m far from perfect,’ I responded. ‘I know that. But, since a very young age I have felt that I was supposed to be part of something. Something so big, so epic, that I’ve never had the courage to tell anyone for fear they would think I’m seriously crazy.’

The feelings are always strongest when life is roughest; when I’m feeling the most frustration, the most pain. In these moments of my strife, a strange thought always pops into my head: ‘Take comfort. We are preparing you. We want you to be strong for when the time comes. This pain will pass. Only find the lesson you need to take from this suffering… so you will be ready.’

Ready for what… I never exactly know. Something. Big. Each time I imagine things – roles and characters already known. Great ones. Important ones. Like Lord of the Rings. (Really wouldn’t mind being Arwen Undómiel.) But, then, in my pain, I begin scolding myself. Telling myself I’m silly… if not alarmingly nuts. ‘Who thinks like that?’ I would frustratingly chastise myself.

In the end, though, I do always fix myself upon the idea of taking the lesson from the pain. ‘Forget the silly thoughts, and just find the lesson. If I learn something then the pain isn’t in vain.’ Each time, I cling to that mission. ‘Don’t let the pain be in vain. Learn something!’

But now, the Bruja echoed my own crazy thoughts – which I’ve never shared with anyone – out loud. I hugged her… and briefly wept… with relief.

I feel very nervous about sharing this commentary, for obvious reasons. But then again, why not? Maybe if we all started believing we were angels here on Earth we’d truly start turning this world around…

The Bruja begins to share more about herself. She feels there are two people inside of her battling for control – a young girl and her old, recently deceased grandmother. The grandmother has her dark side, the Bruja says. The girl is light. But the grandmother is wise and crafty, the girl innocent and naïve. The Bruja understands she needs both of their qualities… at different times. Yet, it’s the young girl, she recognizes, who, in the end, needs to have a slightly tighter grip upon the reins.

To me it all adds up. A 33-year-old who fools everyone for a 23-year-old. Her cunning, cat-like nature. “You are a panther, a jaguar.” I agree with her. “You’re like the Cheshire Cat. Always with a sly grin. Able to disappear and reappear. Able slip into any situation and seem like you belong.”

‘A wily spy,’ I think, ‘that you end up trusting because you feel you can, yet one who prowls the enemy camp so well you can’t help but have a flinch of doubt.’

“Just make sure the young girl has the final say,” I add as an afterthought.

Since that special occasion, of this very special conversation, the Bruja and I continue to share… our thoughts, feelings, craziness… and normal female dramas. We are two Black Magic Women, yet also two naïve earthlings still caught up in human fumbles. Together we’re growing; as is our distinct, feminine power.

And today, as I read Sacred Journey, I’m reminded: “Before you see the light you have to deal with the darkness.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 at 1:39 am. It is filed under alive, Inspirational, Latin America, Mexico, Mind Scraps, Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.