More than 75 days of blogging silence from yours truly. That’s… disappointing actually. But life has thrown me a few curve balls these past 2 1/2 months. You could say at least one of them smacked me dead center in the forehead… hence the proverbial “knockout” and “disappearing blog” act.
During the silence, lots of life has happened. To sum it up, you could say that I’ve had a more than a fistful of truly heart-movingly RICH experiences… that were all strung along a coarse strand of significant hardship and trial.
Yesterday, in fact, I took another hard hit. This one didn’t knock me out though. Rather, it knocked me back awake… at least I think it did.
Things haven’t been matching up. Opportunities, yes more than one, that seemed golden suddenly tarnished into fool’s gold.
Yesterday was the climax of the second “not gold but fool’s gold” enlightenment.
I’ll bypass the details about what happened with whom for now. That’s not what’s important. What’s important is learning and moving forward.
Learning and growing:
1. I’ve really got to stop trusting so wholeheartedly at the first “hello.” I offer my trust on a silver platter without doing my homework to see just whom it is I’m offering this fine delicacy. That’s just imprudent. Personal improvement goal number one: Stay open, willing, friendly and receptive but be more prudent and weary with whom I trust.
And if you think I’m talking about love… I’m not. I’m talking about work and employment.
2. See the warning signs. People leaving the company should be at least a yellow flag that prompts me to investigate “why.” People holding the exact same position they were holding six years ago, without the slightest change in “standard of living” or even upgraded equipment should be a blaring red flag. And there were more… with my “after the fact” perspective I see that so clearly now. Personal improvement goal number two: Interview the company even as they are interviewing you.
In just two months I went from having experience solely in Journalistic Photography to having plenty of content for a solid portfolio in Lifestyle Photography and Wedding Photography. That of which I’m very proud. I learn fast and work even faster!
Yesterday, as I was trying to calm my emotions and meditate on what’s been happening I decided to turn to the greats for inspiration, look to the words of wise that have walked before me. Each time I’ve done that has marked a coming pivotal period in my growth, success and achievement. This time, instead of taking months to remember the inspirational quotes from world sages remedy, I remembered in the very same afternoon. Yes! A sign of growth! Well, my to-do’s reminded me actually. In a moment of distress I decided it was better to put this spring of hurt, negative energy toward something useful and good. Transform it. Thus, I decided to turn to the weary task of cleaning out my computer and hard drives (they’re bogged with lord know what.) During this, I stumbled upon some business mentoring articles I had saved. Since I had saved them I had never read them. I was always brushing them off: Later. Later. I’ll have more time to read them later. In my determination to clean out my hard drive and computer once and for all, I almost brushed by them once again. But, I paused and considered: This is where I need the most guidance right now. There is no time better than NOW. Read them!
Less than ten minutes in my spirits were lifted, my confidence restored and my drive to overcome not only renewed but SUPERCHARGED.
One of the very first quotes that jumped out at me while reading stopped me in my tracks:
“Within each of us is a NATURAL PATH. Someone who ALIGNS themselves 100% to their PATH finds an EXTRAORDINARY sense of FLOW and ENERGY comes into their life or work.”
Wait a minute! I just had that! I was just there!! During my last few days in Chihuahua and even more poignantly so during my first several weeks in the Riviera Maya I was nearly EXPLOSIVE with energy. Getting an average of 3-4 hours of sleep I night I quickly became the a CS social butterfly, got involved in photography projects, lined up not one but two jobs, completed daily runs along the shore of the emerald and sapphire colored sea, visited and charmed the tropical island of Isla Mujeres and kept up a very active night life… and I was feeling GREAT. The best shape of my life, the best health of my life…
Pffff. What happened??!! On the contrary the past two to three weeks I’ve felt drained of energy, unrefreshed as I woke up feeling worse than when I had gone to bed, little desire for my normal here-there-everywhere social life. Just zapped. Accordingly, the tension gathered, the health went downhill and I got grumpier at realizing I was getting grumpier. I never lost the “Que Rico!” but I was feeling it less and less. (Thanks to amazing friends they really kept blazing moments of it alive even amidst my period of waning energy.)
So what gives? I asked myself. I’ve definitely gone through a tough bout of trial so the zapped energy makes sense. Pffff I deserve a break. I reasoned. But I didn’t want to stop there. Why all the hardship and trial I wondered? What happened that made me suddenly plummet head first from the exhilarating heights of feeling an “EXTRAORDINARY sense of FLOW and ENERGY” in my life and work?
I’ve had the blog for several years now. But, it wasn’t until Chihuahua that I decided to really start sharing the juicy stuff. The crazy stuff. The weird, Locura de Laura spiritual stuff. When I began really writing everything that I was feeling and experiencing not just “parts of it” is when I felt the blast of energy. I had even written about how I felt the call to write it all… now. Then, the blog went offline, the energy and flow peaked and I was on a fast-track to decent.
Wow. A powerful realization. I knew that writing and sharing and opening up was therapeutic. But geez, I didn’t realize the extent of which I need my blog for my own personal release and self-development. Maybe some of you out there read it. Maybe not. While I’m truly heartened and utterly touched to get the feedback I occasionally get, I just realized how much this blog is for me. My development, my growth, my health… me. Without it… I began holding everything within. Blocking my flow, which manifested both physically and in my external life experiences. I need to express and to express freely… my precious little blog lets me do that. She lets me blab and blab and blab and never once talks back and tells me “no,” “can’t,” “stop,” “you’re doing it wrong,” “you’re a failure.” She simple lets me share, express and be free to be in love… in love with this wonderful blue little planet I so adoringly call home.
Yelp! How excited I am to have my blog back!!!