Giramonda.com

I was just browsing through my Flickr account and musing over the collection of photos I’ve managed to gather throughout my years of travel… which led me to a thought: why not start regularly posting a random photo from the past?

Hence the birth of Foto Flashback.

This photo is a portrait of a Vietnamese monk which I captured while on a guided motorcycle trip through the Central Highlands of Vietnam.

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“Transition” has been the word on my lips for the past several months. “I’m ready for a transition,” I say. “I DO NOT want to stop traveling but I’m ready to graduate to the next level. I loved my five years of budget backpacking – the experiences I’ve had, the people I’ve encountered, the life changing things I’ve learned – but I’m ready for the next level. I’m ready for a little more comfort.”

Then, oddly enough, thanks to Halogen‘s write up on it’s show Alive! With Adventure Aaron, I eventually stumble upon the term “flashpacker.” Apparently, as How To Travel The World describes the term, it’s the backpacker of the 21st century:

No longer about a few clothes, hitch hiking, or hoping you have enough money for the day, flashpacking is about travel with means. The flashpacker contains the backpacking ethos but wants to do it with a little more style and a lot more technology. Just because we are traveling doesn’t mean we can’t have some comforts.

I LOVE the concept. It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to describe as what I want next out of life.

To read more about it click here.

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Just an enchanting video of gigantic, magical bubbles…

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Okay. This is getting absolutely ridiculous. But, it is proven through my own self-study:

I don’t write/blog = my bowels get blocked.

I do write/blog = my bowels function.

Thus, I really need to find a way to get paid for my mental musings… MY HEALTH DEPENDS ON IT!

Which, ultimately means, I need to be paid to travel, since well my mental musings are inspired, sharpened and continually developed through the wisdom I obtain through my experiences in travel. Mwahahahahahahaha…

But I’m serious.

For days my bowels have been blocked again and my health was going to the pits… again. I returned my focus back to writing on my blog again… and instantly I become “unblocked.”

Now, it’s not just my spiritual being, but my physical being insisting that I blog. But, I don’t get paid for this… something’s got to give. :S

I put it out there… make it happen Universe!

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A brief email from Caballo Blanco inspired me to respond with this:

Challenges are the training ground for restoring us to become the divine, loving beings we are destined to be.

Posting the quote as my status on Facebook (ironically enough if you see my prior post) instigated this:

Me: I do believe I’m learning more and more how to comfort myself…

Radt Dujarric: pa na platano y pa vacio jaiva!

Me: okay that’s kind of slang/alternate meaning so I’m having difficulty understanding it…

Radt Dujarric: its a matter of time B-)

“People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. Since the bourgeois prefers comfort to pleasure, convenience to liberty, and a pleasant temperature to the deathly inner consuming fire.. Solitude is independence.” ~Hermann Hesse

Me: I agree with much of that. A strong quote. But in the end I ask… is independence what we should truly be after? Or rather, is it LOVE?

Me: Wow. Beautiful Radt.

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Facebook Feels Unfriendly Toward Film It Inspires

Behind the scenes… [Mark] Zuckerberg and his colleagues have been locked in a tense standoff with the filmmakers [of The Social Network], who portray Facebook as founded on a series of betrayals, then fueled by the unappeasable craving of almost everyone for “friends” — the Facebook term for those who connect on its online pages — that they will never really have.

In Mr. Sorkin’s telling, Mr. Zuckerberg is not so much villain as antihero, a flawed human being whose deep need for acceptance becomes the driving force behind a Web site that offers the illusion of it…

Read the entire article by clicking here.

Wow… intriguing to say the least. But even if it’s all true, perhaps Zuckerberg simply hit a chord that struck with the populace. Perhaps, even if all this IS true, the resulting “connections” don’t have to be bound to “illusion.”

Personally, I can attest I’ve had TRUE friendships strengthened thanks to the communication ease of Facebook and TRUE friendships even SPRING purely from the technology of Facebook.

Now, on a side note, I DO NOT AGREE, however, that Zuckerberg should claim rights to uploaded photos, videos, or whatever…

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Improvox is a new iPad application developed by the concert pianist Robert Taub and his company MuseAmi. Improvox came about after Mr. Taub tried to help his kids learn music. (New York Times)

Amazing, exciting… and thought-provoking.

So I’m seeing a trend here… this program which can turn a tone deaf crow into a harmonized singer is just the latest tool that demonstrates how “talent” is becoming less and less of a limited commodity. Modern technology is essentially enabling people to have “unnatural talent.”

An interesting phenomenon when you consider that our society IDOLIZES people who possess talent and talent alone. So, I ask you, if talent is no longer a “limited resource” what will our society value? As any valued “talent” becomes a technology that anyone can buy, what, then, will make people stand out from one another?

One of two things… or maybe both:

1. People with the ability to constantly and I mean constantly invent and reinvent.

2. People who love and live from the heart.

That’s my hypothesis anyway.

So, my advice to all… start stimulating your creative juices are start really learning how to live and love from the heart!

FYI: I”ve come to find that, when you live from the heart, you end up hitting a reservoir of creativity you never knew you had. Well, perhaps, we never have it. Perhaps through the act of loving we simply become the best “conductor” there is for creativity/creation.

Hmmmm… that’s a thought.

Love is the optimal conductor for creation.

Didn’t we already kind of know that?

******

I don’t know… maybe it’s just the way I see things in the wee hours of the morning.

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So why the goodbyes? Why the farewell to Playa?

I met him, my king…

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At First Sight

When we arrived at the Blue Bay Riviera Maya resort we did what we did for each wedding we photographed. Cameras to face, my very talented Italian colleague and I descended upon the bride, her family and her bridesmaids to begin with the “getting ready” shots in her hotel room. Completely unsuspecting that this wedding (my 15th wedding of the month) would turn my life upside down yet again, I simply immersed myself in the duty I was coming to love: artistically capture the excitedly anxious emotions that bubble forth on wedding day. After about a half hour, it was time to pop in on the groom and groomsmen.

From the moment we peeked into their hotel room it was apparent: this was a rambunctious and mischievous bunch.

‘Mwhahaha. This will be fun!” I mused to myself.

Their playful mocking quickly began. Just as quickly, I fired it back. Only moments had passed before I caught his look: ‘Well hello there clever little miss. So you think you can dance do you?’

‘Try me,’ my teasing eyes sparkled back.

And that was the spark that ignited it all. Our playful antics continued throughout the afternoon. As I digitally captured the wedding, we traded sassy comments that left us beaming and laughing. Through my lens, I caught him spying on me. And I kept feeling drawn to linger… to just share words, moments, whatever with him.

It was his pure, boy spirit that drew me to him. He found so much joy in each little moment. Always finding an excuse to flash his wide, charming grin, letting a boyish giggle escape from his lips. It was obvious, this man lived life, enjoyed life… and, what’s more, he couldn’t help but to share the joy he felt with others.

I noticed that people were, well, noticing. Noticing the evident dynamic between the two of us. When my colleague and I stepped away from the wedding dinner to go dine elsewhere, he made his comments. “It’s certainly fun,” I shrugged with a coyish grin.

“You’re staying and partying with us during the reception,” he daringly assumed upon my return.

“I can’t mix work with play,” I regretted. “You can come to Playa, but I can’t stay here at the resort.”

So before I left, he shoved the iconic little piece of paper into my hand.

“Look, you really intrigue me and your the first woman to truly do that in a long time,” he bluntly stated. “I leave in two days. My email address is on the card. Email me and let me know how I can get a hold of you. I’m coming to see you in Playa.”

With a blushing smile I replied that he could expect an email from me that night, as soon as I got back to town.

“You know,” I paused turning back to him, “you’re a gringo and yet you totally interest me. Honestly, I can’t believe that.” With a sly smirk, I added. “I don’t like gringos.”

“By the way, you’re smile is truly amazing.”

“And you’re eyes are truly stunning,” he blurted back.

In that moment, our faces were so evidently smitten, it was near ridiculous. Were it a cartoon, we’d have those bubbling hearts circling about our heads.

I wrote to him that night and, was surprised at how frank I was with him. I let him know that he left quite the impression upon me and that I wanted to see him before he left. I’m not usually so clear.

The day he had to leave he woke in the wee hours of the morning to come meet me in Playa for breakfast. It was the only time I would be free from work. We walked, my arm strung through his, along the infamous 5th avenue – talking, sharing and discovering we had too much in common.

The basics about him: Engaged once but never married. No kids. Living in Hollywood with his little dog Blue, working in his own business as a light architect (aka gaffer) for movies, TV series, music videos and commercials. Has also worked on several projects as a Director of Photography. Found life was exciting and full of magic. Believes that anything is possible. Self-described idealist. Makes jokes often and laughs even more often.

Too soon our window of time was used up. “So when you come to visit in L.A. you can learn more about what I do,” he boldly stated.

“Ah? So you already think I’m coming to L.A.?” I prodded with a “not-so-fast-buster” attitude.

“Yup. You’re coming.”

A passionate kiss goodbye. Both parting starry-eyed with wonder: ‘What the heck just happened?!’

Life’s Little Push

Later in the afternoon, that very same day, I found I was no longer employed in Playa. I was paying ridiculous pre-paid cell phone fees to stay in contact with my boss. I had brought up the issue before, explaining that a solution needed to surface because paying $8 to $16 dollars a day to communicate for work wasn’t an option, particularly with what I was getting paid. I was told that yes I would be given a work phone with a plan but that it would have to wait until October. And in the meantime? Try buying bulk, was my response. The more you buy at once, the more airtime you get, the longer it lasts. I had my doubts. There was no way to track the pre-paid time and see what you were actually getting. I had already had a hunch that the minutes didn’t amount to what was promised. Yet, what could I do but I give it a shot?

When $40 worth of minutes vanished in five days, I felt beyond frustrated. Ironically, the minutes happened to dry up that afternoon. The day he left. I approached my boss and literally said, “Okay, I know you don’t want to talk about this anymore, but this is something that really should be addressed.”

“Tell me.”

“Five hundred pesos worth of cell minutes just dried up… and I just bought them five days ago. I can’t afford this. We’ve got to do something different. A work only phone… something!”

“You know what? You’re a great worker. You do a better job every time. You’re work is always polished. But you ask for too much. That’s it. You’re not working for me anymore.”

I stopped in shock. “Whaaa?”

I was being paid just $1,300 a month (I was promised to earn a substantial percentage of all profits beginning in October). For that “training rate” as he called it, I had already photographed 15 weddings, assisted in closing just as many sales if not more, launched an online ad campaign, worked up a company presentation pdf, worked up a video slide show and completed some random secretarial work when needed. I was on call, for whatever, every day of the week. I will admit I was often treated to lunch and dinner, so food perks did come with the agreement. Nonetheless, insisting on a company only phone was hardly out of line. But for that, I lost the job, just like that.

“What?!”

But when my boss continued, using his employee Pepe as an example:

“Six years Pepe has been working for me and he never asks for what you ask for. He doesn’t have a company phone. Why should you??”

That’s when it clicked. If he was looking for another Pepe, it wasn’t going to be me. In six years, Pepe’s pay had not increased but a dime. In six years with the same boss, Pepe couldn’t afford to make any significant upgrades with his photography equipment. In six years, Pepe had remained pretty much where he had started in his career. More experience, yet nothing more. Pepe, though a joyful soul, was not the overachiever like I was however. He was content. At first, I thought that was the difference. Pepe hadn’t climbed the ranks because, well, he was happy where he was at and he put in enough energy to do the job and that’s that. But my boss’s comment cleared up the picture. Though he “mouthed” a managerial position, he was really looking for another Pepe. That wasn’t me.

So upon that realization, I shrugged, “Okay. That’s it then.”

I was bewildered to have lost my job, snap, just like that… over a justifiable request for a company phone. But, at the same moment, I felt a HUGE relief. I had almost run myself into a complete dead end, I marveled. Whew!

Really, I knew all this was coming. While I back the product the company I was working for offers 100% – the photography was expert and offered at a phenomenal price – the business and promotional tactics were not always sound. Some practices lacked integrity. I had been a nervous wreck just the day before as I meditated on whether I really wanted to pour my time and energy into something that excited me, yet wasn’t quite it. Didn’t quite live up to what I wanted out of what would define such a big part of my life. Something that did notably lack in a most crucial area, ethics. I was thinking that, perhaps, with the additional responsibility that was promised to be handed over to me in time, that I could “clean up” the ethics. But, the dilemma was even impacting my roommates. Laura, you’re a stress ball today!

Then, after a most fateful visit from him the next morning, my dilemma was resolved later that same day. The job dissolved before my eyes.

Even Seasoned Leapers Hesitate Sometimes

“Come to L.A.,” he reasoned matter-of-factly. “You can do everything that you were doing there on your own here. You told me you’re ready to have you’re own venture. You’re talented enough. You’re intelligent enough. Come to L.A. Come be with me. I have plenty of room here for you. I have plenty of contacts. Come and start the ‘transition’ you told me you wanted. The way I see it, life is offering you what you want. So come. Take it.”

I couldn’t believe it. He was offering everything I ever dreamed of on a silver platter.

But what truly moved me was his confidence in what he saw in me. He had only just met me. We had shared but two brief meetings. But it was enough. What he saw was enough to convince him to do what most would call, not a leap of faith, but a leap of insanity. Come live with me… come share your life with me.

WOW. A handsome, charming, intelligent, honest and successful man, with a most infectious smile, who sees what he wants and goes after it, without a flinch…

Truth is, I almost blew it.

My heart was soaring…

But my head was doubting. Life had thrown me for some MAJOR loops in the last couple of months. Dramatic peaks followed by plummeting drops. Golden opportunities that turned out to be fool’s gold, I frowned. Could this be just another one of life’s gimmicks?

“Okay, first let me explore my options here,” I reasoned. “I mean, my head is here in Playa. I have it planned out to be here in Playa.”

He said nothing more about it.

He had put himself out there, offering everything he could offer in a most moving show of spirit, faith and magic… and I… I handed him a “thanks but I’m holding out for a better offer?”

The subject of our conversation changed. We continued to chat, share and learn more about each other. Then, we said “goodnight.”

I felt extremely disappointed after our conversation… disappointed with myself. Mentally, I hadn’t fully registered what I had just done, but my being felt it. I felt as if I had just made the most foolish mistake of my life.

I wrote a message to him: “Truly, I want you to know that, really, you’re offer is a dream. But I just want to be… cautious.”

Oh great Laura. You just went from “holding out for better” to “ummm, no really, nice offer… maybe.”

Cautious… the word stared back at me.

Really Laura? Really?!

Cautious?! Since when are you cautious?! Cautious certainly didn’t lead you to having one incredible adventure after the next in a self-pilgrimage across 22 countries!!

And it was in that moment when, deep down, I already knew. I was moving to Los Angeles.

A New Perspective

I went to the movies that night with two friends and filled them in on everything.

“My honest opinion?” Antonio asserted. “You’ve gotta go for it.”

“Yeah?” I lit up. “You think so?! You don’t think it’s insanely crazy??!”

“Laura, you’re frustrated here. Without you’re own capital, you’re not going to find what you deserve here. You have someone, whom I clearly see has a distinct effect on you, offering you the opportunity of your life… what are you waiting for? Go for it. What do you have to lose?”

“I know!!!” I blurted. “I know!!! But, I was just so ready for everyone to tell me I’m crazy. But, you’re so right! I know!!!”

And, in that split second, it was as if I had suddenly stepped out of myself and “zoomed out” to see the bigger picture. My head finally caught up with my heart; my mind’s eye finally saw what my heart already knew.

It wasn’t “golden opportunities that turned to fool’s gold!” It was about HIM the whole time, it was ALL about placing me there, RIGHT where I needed to be at the EXACT moment in time, to meet HIM.

Quickly the events of the past few months flashed before me. I know it sounds cliche, but they really did. All of it too strange. All of it too calculated. All of it too jerky, too precise, too extreme. One amazing plum dropping from the sky only to be robbed from me. Then another, yet juicer, to be snatched away yet again in the blink of an eye. And still another fell with ridiculous ease into my lap to, again, vanish just as it appeared…

I laughed. I was caught up in life’s tortuously wonderful scavenger hunt. Hopping from one clue to the next, learning and growing with each new discovery. And my view expanded even more. A few months? Ha! I scoffed. It all started years ago. All of it, every bit of it, has been about HIM. Shaping me, molding me, preparing me for HIM.

Before I went to bed that night. I shoved the doubts and fears aside and let but one voice speak, the voice of my heart:

Okay… I wanted to say this to your digital face “in skype” but hey… I feel the need to express myself now.

So… let me know what you think.

Bound for L.A.

Truly, the stars were aligning. He emailed his response, “I’m serious.” We spoke on Skype two days later. The same day, I booked my flight with frequent flyer miles I forgot I had. I gave myself six days to announce my move, say goodbye and wrap up all loose ends in the Riviera Maya. My friends were stunned. You’re leaving?! But your plan was to STAY.

“I know, but life has other plans,” I shrugged with uncontainable glee. Then, matter-of-factly I explained how I had just stumbled into my very own fairytale. How, suddenly, I found myself smack dab in the middle of a real life romance plot. Upon seeing the joy blatantly smeared all over my face, my friends could only respond from the heart: “we’re truly happy for you, Laurita. Go get it!”

I didn’t even have to look for someone to take over my lease. The person literally came knocking on the door. A mutual friend of my roommate and I appeared, desperate for a new place to stay. “You’re in luck!” we all announced.

During my final days in the Riviera Maya, my Skype conversations and emails with HIM were loaded with sweetness and excitement. We were opening up our hearts more and more. He, always taking the lead, ever the gentleman, offering his open hand. I… taking his hand, his lead, his love with the confidence of my heart.

We began to believe in it all… whole-heartedly believe in it all. My friends don’t believe you exist, he would write. Who YOU are and the way you treat me inspires my friends that prince charming does exist for each and every one of us, I blabbed. My Mexican souvenir, he affectionately calls me. My soul knew your soul long ago, I profess. My neighbors are cleaning my carpets, hanging art and making me buy furniture for your arrival, he laughed. We manifested each other, we agree. We’re both two beings who truly want to be loved and who truly want to love, he marvels.

He admitted he was falling… I assured him I felt the same way. I told him I was a queen who had finally found her king.

Love in L.A.

My beloved friend Perla was with me til the last moment. She had taken off work so that I wouldn’t be left at the airport alone. Her pure and sincere friendship utterly touched me. She has completely won over my heart. I can’t wait for the moment that I will be with her again. I am so blessed. She, along with Alejandra, Nubia, Daniela and Kathy are my beloved soul sisters. I have a hunch there are more of us out there… we just have yet to find each other. But Perla, I can’t express just how deeply your loving friendship moves me. I hope your heart knows what words fail to describe.

Throughout the entire trip from Playa del Carmen to Los Angeles my head was literally and figuratively in the clouds. Thinking, daydreaming and dreaming about HIM.

It was midnight when I saw him. Hahaha… it didn’t click for me until just now how even the hour fits the fairytale storyline. I was admittedly in minor shock. Culture shock upon return to the United States. Love shock from well HIM.

Not that it matters at all… but it is a very cool detail… his chariot? A sleek, black jag. Most fitting for a king, my king.

From here it’s all kind of been a blissful blur…

A box in the seat of the car. Inside: keys and a heart shaped keychain. Engraved upon the heart: Laura, these are the keys to my heart. Please don’t lose them. Love, Ryan.

Welcome home, Laura. You’re home now.

For the past five years I’ve been… wandering. And now… I mean, do you know what this means?

I do.

A white orchid blushing with purple and pink in the bedroom. The perfect flower. Not the traditional roses. But the more rare and thoughtful orchid. Not something that will wither in days. But a delicate and refined flower that’s planted and just beginning to bloom.

Everyone I meet gushes: you really don’t know how excited Ryan is about you, about your arrival.

Everywhere we go, people know him. Respect him. Bend over backwards for him. Wait a minute. Who ARE you? Why does everybody treat you like that?

Because I treat them like that.

My heart swells. You’re amazing.

Breakfast with friends. Dinner with friends. All quickly teasing “love birds.”

He buys me the newest phone complete with a new line of service. Even the “cool dude” sales clerk remarks: It’s so wonderful to see you two. Your faces are filled with joy.

Everywhere we go, he proudly introducing me. It’s as if he wants to shout my name and his love from the rooftops for all to hear. I am humbled to joyful tears. I know that my eyes reveal all… I’m completely love struck.

Today, I told him how he supercharged the “spring in my step.” How I’m now learning to operate on “Turbo” speed. How excited I am at the prospect of knowing that once I truly learn this new way to fly that I will soar to heights I’ve yet only dreamed of…

He tells me: I’m in love with you too.

Yes. You are Him. My king. My rey. I’s soooo utterly in love with you.

And now, as I reflect back on everything – everything we’ve shared already – the love grows still yet deeper. That’s possible? I feel inspired to write him a handwritten note. But that, I’m saving just for him. We both say how we love to share our story, but some things are meant for just he and I…

So, I end with a quote that marked the very beginnings of this blog:

“It is a rare soul indeed who has been sought after for who she is – - not because of what she can do, or what others can gain from her, but simply for herself. More people have climbed Mount Everest than have experienced real pursuit.” (Sacred Romance)

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Before, thanks to my almost uncontainable excitement for the next step of my journey, I always managed to subdue the melancholy of a “goodbye.”

But these past few life transitions these past couple of years have left me red-eyed and profoundly touched.

I had to say goodbye to some truly remarkable people during my last hours in Cancun. Each, in their own unique and special way, left me sobbing with humility as they whispered into my ear during a powerful embrace how much the loved me, how much they’ll miss me, how much I’ve affected their lives.

“You know, invariably when you ask about someone, about who they are as a person you get varied responses,” one of my friends began. “‘Oh he’s amazing!’ one says. Or, ‘I don’t know him well’ says another. Perhaps ‘Oh he’s not so great.’ Or even, ‘Oh he’s NOT a good person.’”

“So how is it Laura,” my friend continued, “that with you I always get the same response? Everybody loves you. Do you see that? We ALL love you Laura.”

He continued to share and told me that he feels I’m here for something more, some sort of crucial mission. He didn’t elaborate but he insisted that that is why I’m here.

Then, another came forward. A young man, a beautiful and awakening soul who is only just starting to see that life is more than booze and girls. Thus, his words surprised me: “Remember Laura, you are a warrior. You are a WARRIOR. Don’t forget that. NEVER forget that. Someone places a wall before you and you DRIVE IT TO THE GROUND. You bust through it showing that NOTHING can stop you. YOU show everyone else that ANYTHING can be accomplished. Don’t ever forget that you have that power and what your example means to the rest of us. I love you Laurita.”

Upon hearing about my new found Prince Charming, a young woman I’ve known casually, thanked me for giving her inspiration and faith that the “fairytale kind of love” DOES exist. She then shared that she was just recently divorced. I had gone out with her on several occasions but had no idea, no idea what she had been going through.

At one point during our gathering, a stranger to me, yet a friend to one of my beloved girlfriends here began to unleash a stream of negativity and assumption: “L.A. is just an illusion. Broken dreams. Don’t expect much. People like me eat people like you there.” The “no’s,” “not’ss” and negativity continued to stream from his mouth.

“Stop!” I countered forcefully. “You’re full of negativity and quite honestly, I want nothing to do with it. That’s certainly not what I need right now, just hours before I leave.”

Yet he insisted and the negativity continued to spew. “Don’t expect much from your ol’ boy there.”

For a moment my ego tried to win out and I bitterly laughed as I scoffed, “Me! She who has traveled to 22 countries alone. Countries like Cambodia and Vietnam and dangerous places like Chihuahua, MX… you think I will have a problem returning to my own country? That my own country will eat me when I have found but only friends in the foreign lands that I have tread?! No I will have none of it!”

Yet his insistence continued. He began to speak over me. Then, my beloved girlfriend tried to defend him. This hurt the most. Not because of him, but because of her. She was listening to the negativity, accepting it. I loved her dearly, and this “dark thought” was something I knew she still battled with… so much. ‘This is NOT how I want to spend my final moments,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll go… get some good rest.’ I reasoned. My recoiling reaction startled many from the group.

“But we’re all here for YOU,” they argued, hurt.

I compromised with the decision to “take a walk” but come back. I was hoping during my walk they would realize the right thing to do… Biologist Benny, an absolute sweetheart with a spirit of gold, came with me. He let me rant and calmed my tension. When we returned the “negative energy” had simply… vanished.

More hugs, more tears, more joy and more bittersweet goodbyes…

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